5 reasons I would attend a wedding

Weddings invitations are seemingly coming from every direction lately.  I'm too old for this.  Here are my conditions for attending your "special day".

1. This is your first hetero/gay/bi/trans marriage (all right, for at least ONE of the happy couple).
2.  I am related by blood as family dynamics (Mom) requires attendance.
3. We have known each other for over 10 years.
4. You are marrying in a locale I’ve never been AND would love to see.
5.  A BabyMama (not the bride) is invited to the glorious day for sheer entertainment.

Meet three of these conditions and I will most likely attend. Ideally, it is only for the dinner/dance portion of the day as the religious portion gives me hives.